i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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