I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
