Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
