watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
