I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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