and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
