I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
