she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
