just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
