Need sex. Gaining weight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
