if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
