After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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