I feel like I'm in dance class right now
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
