How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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