OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
