we have officially lost it.
I puked a lego.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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