I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
