I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
