Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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