The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize