Well apparently he's into motor boating.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
