I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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