why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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