you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
