I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
