he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize