I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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