I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
