i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i came on her dog
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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