Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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