i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
