guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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