I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
