The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
