you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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