No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
