Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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