Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will pee on everything he values.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
