she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize