At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
