If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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