Pappa wants mamma naked
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
