My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
