yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
