the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
