What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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