Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
