I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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