billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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