pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
