I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
