he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize