we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just pee around me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
