Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
