I have demons in me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
