so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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