Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
