DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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