I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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