my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
