No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
