We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
