you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it's great music for shaving your balls
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
