I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
