Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
