Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
