Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
