Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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