thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
