I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
