I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
