You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
