Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
